21 Ways to be a better spouse

June 13, 2012

I rarely forward stuff to my husband. He’s busy and I hate to overwhelm him but I did send him this great list. Not as a nudge, but more as a way to deepen our relationship. I plan on printing this and putting it on my nightstand; always nice to be reminded:

  1. Instead of focusing on all the things you wish they would do differently, take some time to really, truly notice all the things that you are thankful for.
  2. Then tell them.
  3. Talk to them like they are someone you love.
  4. Don’t talk business without saying some sort of nicety to each other.For instance, if you’re asking your partner to pick up something on the way home, say you hope they’re having a great day first.
  5. Tell your spouse when you’re proud of them. Even if it’s for something small
  6. Initiate. Anything. Conversation, dates, sex, whatever. Don’t wait around and play the tit for tat game.
  7. Acknowledge when you’re in a bad mood. Say it out loud and tell your partner it isn’t about them.
  8. Be mindful of your words. All of them. You can’t take them back.
  9. Get your shit together. Seriously. If your individual issues are wreaking havoc on your relationship, get it ironed out. Get support. Handle your shit.
  10. Don’t make your partner pay for the sins of your ex, or father, boss, or whoever. If this is a rough one for you, see #9.
  11. In every argument, take time and ask yourself if there was anything you could have done better. Spoken a bit more kindly? Explained more thoroughly and candidly? Listened?
  12. Ask your partner how they’re day was. Every day. BEFORE you unleash about how your day was.
  13. Give a kiss good-bye every day.And tell them how you feel about them. Every day. AND MEAN IT. How often do you say “I love you” in passing without even thinking about it?
  14. Tell them when you’re going through some shit, and ask for what you need. And tell them it’s really not them.
  15. If you think about them during the day, let them know. It takes one second. Seriously, you can send a sweet text when you’re taking a shit for god’s sake.
  16. If something is bothering you, address it right away. BUT NOT IF IT MEANS YOU SCREAMING AND YELLING. Cool down and then kindly express what’s on your mind.
  17. Take care of something you know your partner doesn’t want to do. Just because.
  18. Say thank you. Often.And with genuine sincerity. Seriously, Mr. Smith and I still thank each other for everything… for going out on a date, for sex, for chores, for making money, for taking out the cat shit. An attitude of gratitude can radically shift a relationship.
  19. Nurture your own identity. Take care of your health. Hang out with people who build you up. The more fulfilled you are as a person, the more you are able to give to another. And the less co-dependent you will be.
  20. Watch your approach. Wouldyourespond well to you?
  21. In everything you do/are in your relationship, ask yourself, “How do I need to show up in order to be proud of the person I am?”

List via Root of She