21 Ways to be a better spouse
June 13, 2012
I rarely forward stuff to my husband. He’s busy and I hate to overwhelm him but I did send him this great list. Not as a nudge, but more as a way to deepen our relationship. I plan on printing this and putting it on my nightstand; always nice to be reminded:
- Instead of focusing on all the things you wish they would do differently, take some time to really, truly notice all the things that you are thankful for.
- Then tell them.
- Talk to them like they are someone you love.
- Don’t talk business without saying some sort of nicety to each other.For instance, if you’re asking your partner to pick up something on the way home, say you hope they’re having a great day first.
- Tell your spouse when you’re proud of them. Even if it’s for something small
- Initiate. Anything. Conversation, dates, sex, whatever. Don’t wait around and play the tit for tat game.
- Acknowledge when you’re in a bad mood. Say it out loud and tell your partner it isn’t about them.
- Be mindful of your words. All of them. You can’t take them back.
- Get your shit together. Seriously. If your individual issues are wreaking havoc on your relationship, get it ironed out. Get support. Handle your shit.
- Don’t make your partner pay for the sins of your ex, or father, boss, or whoever. If this is a rough one for you, see #9.
- In every argument, take time and ask yourself if there was anything you could have done better. Spoken a bit more kindly? Explained more thoroughly and candidly? Listened?
- Ask your partner how they’re day was. Every day. BEFORE you unleash about how your day was.
- Give a kiss good-bye every day.And tell them how you feel about them. Every day. AND MEAN IT. How often do you say “I love you” in passing without even thinking about it?
- Tell them when you’re going through some shit, and ask for what you need. And tell them it’s really not them.
- If you think about them during the day, let them know. It takes one second. Seriously, you can send a sweet text when you’re taking a shit for god’s sake.
- If something is bothering you, address it right away. BUT NOT IF IT MEANS YOU SCREAMING AND YELLING. Cool down and then kindly express what’s on your mind.
- Take care of something you know your partner doesn’t want to do. Just because.
- Say thank you. Often.And with genuine sincerity. Seriously, Mr. Smith and I still thank each other for everything… for going out on a date, for sex, for chores, for making money, for taking out the cat shit. An attitude of gratitude can radically shift a relationship.
- Nurture your own identity. Take care of your health. Hang out with people who build you up. The more fulfilled you are as a person, the more you are able to give to another. And the less co-dependent you will be.
- Watch your approach. Wouldyourespond well to you?
- In everything you do/are in your relationship, ask yourself, “How do I need to show up in order to be proud of the person I am?”
List via Root of She