5 Tips to create more ease in parenting!
Hopefully you’re having a restful day. Maybe brunch out some place? I really thoguht long and hard about what mom’s want (other than a night out!) and figured peace and ease around raising children. Between the Time cover this week and all the ‘french are doing it better than you’ books ~ let just let mom’s be!
These tips are so thoughtful I thought I’d repost them. From Insight Parenting:
5 tips to create more ease in your parenting EVERYDAY.
1. Try using the word “May” to inspire cooperation.
It’s late, you’re tired, and patience is running thin. The kids are goofing off and not brushing their teeth and you would like them to get to bed! Instead of demanding “Go brush your teeth NOW”, try using the word “May” instead. The tone is less harsh, but it’s still all business. Say it kind, and say it firm. “You may brush your teeth now”. It works (almost) every time.
2. Sing it.
After the third or fourth call of his name, you start to feel the tightening in your chest. The tension in your body is growing. You feel ignored and it’s pushing your buttons. Instead of shouting louder, or angrier, try singing it. You don’t need a beautiful singing voice; you just need to catch their ear in a different way. The act of singing your request instantaneously releases tension. You’ll feel better and your kids will respond with more cooperation.
3. Set an intention with your kids.
Lately I’ve been starting my day by setting an intention with my daughter. It helps both of us “see a picture” of how we want to be together and how we want to move through the day. If we experience any signs of conflict one of us will remind the other of our intention. It’s cute and easy to do over breakfast. I often say something like: “my intention is to be patient and fun with you today”. Hers? Well it usually involves eating a lot of chocolate.
4. Give yourself an extra ½ hour to do everything.
There’s nothing like trying to rush with a kid. Whether it’s to school in the morning or to a play date, the stress of time is a big one. Try to give yourself an extra ½ hour to do everything. As odd as it may feel to leave so much room just to put on shoes, I’m more relaxed when my daughter wants to change her socks 4 times before even getting to the shoe part. Once outside, I feel less anxious as she stops to pick up every fallen leaf. Believe me, that extra ½ hour you factor in gets used along the way to where ever you’re going. Not only does it allow for her to be in her own speed, but I can be in my own speed too.
5. Say yes!
I know many of you may feel this is the ultimate permissive parenting way, and cringe. But saying yes does not mean they always get what they ask for. Answering a request with a yes (even when you can’t make it happen) takes the sting out of it, and the denied request is accepted more easily. Saying yes to the desire is validating, making it a lot easier to accept the no. Here’s a condensed example:
Adelaide: Momma, can I have ice cream?
Me: Yes, on Saturday when we go to the party.
Adelaide: (starting to whine) I want ice cream now!
Me: I understand you want it now. There will be ice cream to eat at the party tomorrow.
Adelaide: Okay mama.
It’s not always that simple, or that short-lived. But often it actually is. The key is YOUR attitude. Children simply respond more readily to a yes rather than a no. Don’t we all?
And for the record, I do say no. I believe no is a fine word. However, responding with a yes as the first response often reduces conflict. If not, try tip # 2.
Give YOURSELF the gift of ease and genuine cooperation in your day-to-day parenting.
Happy Mother’s Day!